See, I’ve got this wish, a silly little wish. And every night I close my eyes and try to imagine how a silly-little-wish-come-true would feel because I don’t know. There are many things I don’t know, like how to whistle a favorite song or how to walk without having to think too much about what to do with my hands; just wish this wasn't one of the many.

The thing about being scared is that it makes you a little bit smaller but a-lot more alive- alive enough to feel when you really don't want to because there are some things in life you never really get used to. No matter how many repeats there may be, no matter how much more stronger or how much weaker you become, the first cut doesn't make the second, or the third, or bazillionth one any more easier to swallow.

I know because I’m feeling a bit white today, the sort of pale-white feeling you get from spinning and spinning around like windmills on breezy days and it's not so nice having all those little circles feel like the first time every time and knowing that the only way to get a real good grip is to just let go.

-u.p.